


A Pretty Girl Is Like...

by Slinkling



Category: Smallville
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-30
Updated: 2009-12-30
Packaged: 2017-10-05 12:17:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/41653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slinkling/pseuds/Slinkling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A pretty girl is like a pretty girl.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Pretty Girl Is Like...

**Author's Note:**

> Prompted by ladydey, who requested "Lex/Clark, runaway bride." Completely disregards all canonical engagements, weddings, etc.
> 
> Another piece of my 69 Love Songs project: an unconnected series of fics whose titles correspond to songs from the Magnetic Fields' album, "69 Love Songs." No, I did not actually succeed in writing 69 stories. This fic's song was #19.
> 
> All italicized lines are by Magnetic Fields.

> _A pretty girl is like a minstrel show._

The first time Lana agrees to marry him, Lex goes all-out. He hires the most expensive wedding planner in Metropolis, books the entire classical wing of the Metropolis Art Museum for the reception, and gets Vera Wang to design a spectacular meringue of a dress exclusively for Lana. Almost the entire population of Smallville, or at least the non-incarcerated portion, gets invited to what the press has dubbed "the wedding of the century."

Clark is there, seated towards the back, wearing an uncomfortable suit and, in his opinion, exhibiting tremendous restraint in not setting anything on fire.

Lana doesn't show. Lex announces this fact about an hour after the ceremony was supposed to begin, and graciously encourages everyone to enjoy the party anyway.

Clark has to admit that Lex handles it extremely well, all things considered. But Superman isn't exactly shocked, later that night, when a disused LexCorp lab building blows up for no reason anyone can see.  
\---

> _A pretty girl is like a violent crime._

The second time Lana says she'll marry him, Lex opts for more of a stealth approach. Nobody is told the date or the venue in advance. A friendly judge is put on alert, warned to be ready at a moment's notice. The grand honeymoon suite at the Metropolis Continental is reserved for two solid months, just so it will be available when they want it. This time, Lex is determined, their wedding will be more of a surgical strike: quick, unexpected, and utterly efficient.

And yet, when he arrives at the judge's chambers at the appointed time, only a slightly embarrassed Superman is there to meet him. Lex takes a moment to compose himself, and then raises an eyebrow.

"Lana's on a flight to Singapore," Clark informs him. "I told Judge Crawford he could go home."

Lex takes a breath. "I see."

"For the record, I had nothing to do with Lana going."

Lex walks to the open window and looks out at the city. "Much as it pains me to say so, I believe you."

Clark suddenly doesn't know what to do with his hands. He resists the urge to twist them in his cape. "You know, planning your wedding like it's a bank heist probably should have been a clue that something was wrong."

Turning to face him, Lex looks almost amused. "You're giving me relationship advice?'

Clark sighs, then tries to adopt a more Supermanly posture. "I'm sorry it didn't work out," he says gravely. Then he steps through the window and takes to the sky, resigned to waiting for the inevitable explosion.  
\---

> _A pretty girl is like a pretty girl._

When Clark Kent and Lana Lang announce their engagement, Lex sends them an exquisitely wrapped gift box. Inside, nestled in several layers of tissue paper, is a silken lasso.

"Oh, ha ha. Very funny." Lana walks away in a snit.

Clark watches her go, wondering if it was even intended as a joke.

A few hours after their hastily cancelled wedding, when Lana is on a plane to Paris and Clark's at home by himself, wishing he could feel just a little bit surprised, there's a knock at his door. He opens it to see Lex standing there with a bottle of whiskey. Clark lets him in without a word.

"A few things have occurred to me," Lex begins.

Clark goes to get two glasses.

"First," Lex says, "it's time to accept it. Lana really wouldn't be much of a wife."

Clark shrugs. "Yeah. I'm way ahead of you."

"Second." Lex pours them both generous shots. "You and I might not be well suited to marriage ourselves."

Rather than acknowledging this, Clark throws back his drink in one belt.

Lex watches him appreciatively, and takes a sip from his own glass. "And third," he says, loosening his tie, "I believe you have a very fine lasso somewhere in this apartment."

Clark looks up with a start. "You want it back?"

"On the contrary," Lex says, removing his cufflinks. "I just think it's a shame to let it go to waste."

Clark's wedding night is nothing like he'd expected, but it's actually pretty great even so.


End file.
